Year in Reflection

So far this year, my lucky year of the rabbit according to Chinese astrology, has given me the most amazing experiences. I thank my lucky stars for granting my wish of traveling the world in between finishing graduate school and starting a full time position. I continue to learn and grow as a person and be in awe of the world. Since January, I made the holiday trip back home to New Jersey to reunite with family and friends and then headed for Asia from end of January til March to see cleft lips and palates for the first in India while observing other public health inequities and then reconnected with long lost family in Thailand. April was the month that I was finally able to go to Haiti and meet an already existing family network that I fell into. May was the official end of MPH through graduation and NJ visitors while concentrating on launching Room for Compassion. I spent the month of June in the Democratic Republic of Congo, Kenya and Tanzania with the greatest honor of carrying out public health/genetic research for Operation Smile and later the multiple programs for Room for Compassion. I still find it hard to believe that I am still at the same age of 23 because I turned this age while in Tanzania last year, changed my viewpoints on life and have since made a return trip to Shirati. So now I find it helpful to reflect and recap on the last 7 months through the following themes:

Culture: Dance, Drink, Food
Every new country is like an island to be explored thoroughly especially in its people and customs. I’m convinced that us Westerners can spend most of a lifetime in another culture and probably still learn from that culture. Food is one of the big pleasures in life for me. I grew up with a father as a Tex/Mex and Chinese chef and a mother that created the most divine Thai food. In college, I was an amateur food critic for the school newspaper and savored (pun intended) every moment. The problem with constant traveling and trying new food, other than the fear of intestinal consequences, is that you eat the most divine food and know that you will never know food that good again unless you returned to that specific region. I ate street food and homemade food in most of the countries I traveled to and albeit some minor diarrhea, it was well worth it. I reminisce about the seafood, noodles, and thai tea in Thailand, paneer and masalas of India, ugali and chips my eye in Tanzania, coffee and homemade food in Haiti. I notice that every country has its own selection of beer and sampling it all is a small adventure on its own from Dos Equis and Corona in Mexico, Saqqara in Egypt, Ndovo, Serengeti, Safari in Tanzania, Guinness in Ireland (best beer ever), Chang in Thailand. I like collecting tea from different countries, if you are ever in my apartment, I would be more than happy to let you sample tea from Tanzania, Ethiopia & Egypt. Dancing is one of my favorite cultural aspects to observe and learn. Back in 2008, I used to dance the night away nearly every night to the salsa and Reggaeton beats in the nightclubs of Guadalajara and even took dance lessons when I returned to the U.S. In Haiti, the GAP kids loved dancing and so did I. I had the most memorable moment while one of the sweet mannered kids, Jean Woody, and I danced in the pouring rain. In India, the one dance I learned looked like beautiful flocking birds as I danced to Hindi music in my sari. I practiced bachata and salsa in the Dominican Republic. I didn’t quite get to learn the Congolese local dances, but did want to. I also like the club scene in LA. In my recent trip to Shirati, I danced the night away at a wedding to Bongo flavor music, cool Caribbean-African sounding tunes.

Roots: NYC, Thailand, Shirati
I half wanted to go back home to New Jersey/NYC area this past Christmas. First, my family doesn’t do the Christmas thing anymore, we used to have trees and families over and presents but since us kids have grown and families have all moved away, putting up the tree is just unnecessary effort in the house. Secondly its cold and I’m coming from So Cal weather. Third, I always find that my maximum time of being home and not getting into an altercation with my mother is about 2 weeks and I was supposed to spend over 3 weeks home. This Christmas was the first in 7 years that I spent fully with my family since I used to spend it with 2-3 different families. My mom, dad, brother and I go to where my parents love most, Chinatown, NYC. It was the place they lived when they immigrated to the U.S. and learned the restaurant business and it’s also an ethnically Asian place, a respite away from our all white town and all white food. On the car ride home from eating and seeing the big NY Christmas tree, something extraordinary happened. I asked to stop by the apartment where my parents began living the American dream and they recounted so many stories for the hour-long car ride back from feeling outcast and homesick in such a different culture to working so hard that they would take naps in cars and be at the restaurant 7 days a week. The next 3-4 hours after that was my Christmas miracle. My parents and I were so enthralled in the conversation of their past that it continued at home, in my bedroom of all places. I somehow found it in my gut while my heart raced to bring up skeletons in our closet that have affected each one of us but never ever said out loud. To my surprise, I acted as a neutral mediator while my parents genuinely and honestly spilled their raw emotions about unresolved feelings, their insecurities and emotional pain throughout the years. I brought up my feelings of not having the soccer sideline supporting parents and sometimes having to grow up faster than I intended but at the same time thanked my back-breaking hard-working parents for everything I have ever gotten from them – unconditional love, sports, braces, Chinese school, freewill to choose my career, car insurance, etc. I was so glad it took everything inside of me to initially bring this up but I knew it then that it was one of those now or never moments. Many hours later, we end up embracing and I know that each one of us has left the burden we’ve been quietly and secretly carrying on our shoulders for the past 20 odd years and that my relationship with my parents would be forever different and their relationship with each other is somehow altered now for the better. I tearfully told them that I will always look back to this Christmas night long after they leave this world. Had we not had this discussion, maybe we would have taken all of our hurt to the grave. Getting to the root of the problem gives you the best chance at solving it.

A few weeks after leaving New Jersey feeling fulfilled and at peace with myself and my family, I headed to India and then Thailand to explore my familial roots. My dad is from Cambodia and fled as a refugee in 1975 to the US. He worked in restaurants and met my mother’s father in New York. After he saw a picture of my mother, my dad was instantly in love and waited two years before being able to leave and return to the US and embarked to Thailand. After 6 months of meeting, when my mom had a boyfriend at the time, they fell instantly in love and had a large wedding ceremony in Thailand and then migrated back to the US. I think about how different my life would have been had my parents chose to stay in Thailand instead. Out of my mother’s family of 7 children, all 4 girls immigrated to the U.S. while all 3 boys stayed in Thailand. As I was thinking about what would life be growing up in Thailand, I wondered about how I would have fit in racially, unlike in Byram, and if I would have ever learned English or if I would be attracted to Thai boys. When I was there, I realized just how different I was being brought up American. My tan skin didn’t go over well with grandma and the culture of skin bleaching and snow white skin. Families are more tight-knit and I think I would have liked that growing up knowing my dozens of cousins and kids my age. I was a little too independent, I noticed, as my grandma fretted about me taking a taxi by myself to the airport and holding my hand crossing the street. If she only could see me roaming around India in a taxi and Tanzania on local motorcycles. In America, you try to get out of the house at 18 and are determined to basically never return back to mom and dad’s basement unless it’s necessary but in Thailand, you stay as long as possible and sometimes until marriage – actually this is similar to upbringing in many countries I’ve seen. Had I been Thai, I would have been more religious and gone to Buddhist temples constantly and probably gossiped a lot more since that’s what my family did a lot of. Point in short, I reaffirmed my hypothesis at how drastically different my whole life would have been. Although my parents have enough money to retire to Thailand and live very well with servants and multiple houses, they choose to stay in the US to battle the cold NJ winters and work 2-3 jobs each. They always said it’s the opportunities in America that you cannot find anywhere else, the American dream.

My third connection to roots was returning back to Shirati, Tanzania. After spending 5 weeks there last summer, I didn’t want to leave and seriously considered skipping a semester of graduate school to stay and cancelling my safari. It felt like going back home to a place where I have this bond and instant connection. The same feeling I felt when I first visited and fell in love with Lycoming College. I’m super indecisive in 90% of my life choices and decisions but not with Shirati. As evidenced by my best friend Kelly referring to me upon my return from Tanzania as “post-Africa Steph”, my time in the village drastically changed me on the inside and makes me strive to constantly be a better person and now I know my life ambitions. To step foot back in the place that started a new chapter in my life was beyond words. All of the different vulnerable areas that I feel passionate about from school sponsorship to microlending and girls empowerment, I was able to engage in during my trip. I again wish I could have stayed much much longer but loved being there for a brief visit.

Empathy/Compassion: Guwahati, Bangkok, Dar-es-Salaam
I never had a particular desire to go to India. It’s not that I have anything against the country or people, it’s just that there were maybe 20 countries I wanted to go to before India and nothing specifically piqued my interest except maybe the Taj Mahal. I’m a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. Three weeks before departing, I learned from my boss that he wanted me to go to India and observe an Operation Smile mission. As the plane landed in Guwahati, I could see and smell the poverty. Unlike normal people, being immersed in poverty excites my closest friends and I, not in a sick sadistic way, but in the way that we know we are going out of our element and will have our life views altered after this experience. This is what happened in India. A lot of it reminded me of sub-Saharan Africa but there were many public health practices much worse. The pollution, latrines, sanitation and water systems were things that at times horrified me and made me realize the work that needs to be done in India. On my last day in Guwahati as I spoke through a translator, a group of children the oldest being no older than 16, said that well water as the thing they wanted most if they had assistance. This moment sticks with me and if possible, I want to return to Guwahati and follow-up. India stole the heart of Kelly in the way Tanzania did to me, she is going back for one year and I couldn’t be more excited and proud of Kelly.

During my time in Thailand, I felt a different form of empathy. I met one Burmese woman working for my extended family. The language barrier prevented me from asking her questions about her life dreams and current circumstances, but I sensed that she was looking for a better life than in Burma and was able to connect with her with very little language exchange. I felt immediate compassion for a begging 11 year old boy while sitting at a restaurant overlooking the pier in Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania. Luckily, I had two friends able to translate with me, and was touched to learn how hard-working and determined this little boy named David was. He was the income provider for his grandma and younger brother by begging for a maximum of 1,000 Tsh (about 60 cents) a day. David had dreams of becoming a boat captain, which would mean going to secondary school and university. When my friend Castor gave him his cell phone number in case he ever needed anything, David asked if he could receive help buying books for school.

Sometimes the poverty I see in the U.S. and abroad can initially feel overwhelming. And sometimes people feel so overwhelmed by it, they tend to ignore it by walking tunnel visioned past the homeless in New York or LA or ignoring the begging children while vacationing in Cancun. I think that acting on compassion is what defines us, makes us human and lets us reach out to humans that are complete strangers that we will probably never ever see again. Everyone has a different way to do this, whether donating change, volunteering, being involved with long term efforts. I remember arguing with my boyfriend, Matt, while we were in Haiti after I commented that him giving money to an elderly begging Haitian woman wasn’t “sustainable”. I’ve since been learning that sometimes sustainable or cost efficient ways of helping excludes the most vulnerable, namely populations that really can’t provide for themselves. I also personally realized that it’s wrong to criticize an act of good, unless it’s really beneficent with obviously bad long-term consequences (like undermining local economies by providing massive amounts of free stuff or aid).

Inner Peace: India, Thailand, Tanzania
I sought on to many of my recent destinations with the goals of giving to others and trying to empower locals, but my travels also had an unintended effect on me. I somehow became more spiritual. It sort of began when home in NJ and feeling relieved and peaceful after my Christmas miracle. Then in India, Kelly, Minh and I went to different temples and sat through multiple prayer ceremonies. I was introduced to the concept of meditation, something I clearly was aware of but never practiced. Then in Thailand, I visited countless Buddhist temples which all required kneeling and praying among the orange robed monks and magnificent golden statues of Buddha. In Tanzania, the beauty of nature and the smiles of the locals bring a sense of peace to my soul.

When asked, “what’s your religion?”, I usually answer Buddhist. My parents are Buddhist by tradition but neither are practicing or religious. My grandma sort of is, she goes to temples all the time, is superstitious and participates in many Buddhist ceremonies. For awhile, when I was growing up, I wanted to be Christian but for all the wrong reasons. Since most of my friends went to church and Sunday school and I heard about how great it all was, I wanted to join the group. I’ve met staunchly religious people in my time, and liked some more than others. I never liked the “lets knock on your door and convert you” devotees of any religion. Its condescending and imperialistic to impose or force feed a religion. Unfortunately, it’s been done all too successfully...look around the world, it’s clear that many indigenous cultures have been re-wired and sometimes forced to convert to a Western religion. Also horrible are the wars over religion, I mean, if human beings were truly devoted, wouldn’t there be harmony rather than killing? Religious humanitarian organizations that either require you to be of their religion to receive aid or the ones that bring bibles or Scientology principles to “save” souls rather than medicine or life-saving materials to help all regardless of religion is ridiculous. But as a whole, I’ve had mostly positive experiences with very religious and devout people. Many of them are actually very open minded and are respectful of other beliefs or lack thereof. I have many religious friends. I respect the many devoted individuals that stick to their religious principles and not just half-ass their declared religion. I imagine its difficult amongst all the criticism and disdain for faith in many parts of America to stay true to your beliefs. I admire that religious organizations raise the most money and do so much good since it’s an important principle to give, especially to the poor.

I think I’m more agnostic. My belief system initially began from my parents’ beliefs of reincarnation, past lives, soulmates, existence of the supernatural and an afterlife. I like the Buddhist concept of living in the middle line and not gravitating towards extremes. The karmic system in India and Hinduism is appealing to me too as is meditation and calmness. I like the Christian principles of serving others and avoiding the 7 deadly sins. I think there are many more religions that I want to learn about still and incorporate some of their ideals. I notice a similarity that arises between different beliefs. There is first and foremost a belief in an afterlife. A lot of religions admire selfless, giving figures and promote a life of peace.

At first inspired by a sense of calm, tranquility and inner peace within myself as I spend time in nature and become more humbled by situations I see, I realized that it is in this state of existence that is deemed most connected with whatever higher power there is. Many describe it as being in bliss and pure love but all the time. I was told by a Thai monk that meditation and clearing the mind of thoughts is the way to go. I really enjoyed reading about Liz Gilbert’s spiritual journey in “Eat, Pray, Love” and how she sought after this same state of existence through months of meditation and reflection in India. Being in Tanzania and sometimes in the Buddhist temples in Thailand or the tranquil Hindu temple on monkey island in Guwahati gave me this sense of inner peace and made me realize this is what I should seek on a spiritual level. Easier said than done of course, quieting the mind of my very random curious thoughts or not getting agitated ever are not things that I’ve been practicing. In my life, whenever I want to change something about myself which is usually one or two things at all times, I try to focus my efforts from repeating a negative behavior or thought and aspire to be a better person. I’ve realized that after the few months of traveling, being spiritually aware is something that I want to work on.